Me vs. The Wedding
Feb. 5th, 2009 05:22 pm
I've been reading Indie Bride, mostly because I was doing another round of depression-induced Googling* and "feminist wedding" or "wedding sexism" brought me to their discussion board. It's one of the few wedding sites that doesn't make me want to throw up, mostly because they're not actively pushing a particular type of wedding.
There are two broad wedding schools - kingdoms or phylums, maybe. One will give you elaborate checklists of everything you should be worrying about, takes it for granted that you're inviting over a hundred people, hiring a DJ or live music, etc. On the Knot website I saw a description of a wedding that only cost $20k. Seriously. To be fair, I couldn't stomach clicking on the link; it's possible that the "only" was relative, like they invited many hundreds of people and did a really elaborate thing that cost twice that. But really, the only context in the world in which "only $20k" applies is if you're talking about, I don't know, salaries, or funding government programs.
The other is "frugal." They accept you may not have a huge guest list. They propose some ideas that are good though not terribly original, like hosting the wedding and reception at someone's house, or using your iPod or computer for the music. However, they still expect you to invest quite a bit in your wedding; it's just that they propose using your time instead of your cash. Buy your flowers wholesale and arrange them yourself! Have someone (maybe a relative, so that you can underpay them to a criminal degree) sew your dress for you! Enlist your family, or your partner's, in cooking for the wedding, crafting decorations, or making the wedding favors!
( HATE. )
I don't want to put a lot of effort into this, or force people into slave labor on my behalf. Nor do I want to pay a lot; even at the small scale we're doing this, we'll likely be spending at LEAST a couple of thousand dollars, which is money I would far rather put towards buying the bed I've been coveting for two years, or a trip, or several hundred books.
Anyway, I started out talking about the Indie Bride forums. I've learned that the wedding-industrial complex phrasing has been around for a while (I thought I was just playing off the military-industrial complex; maybe I picked it up by osmosis from elsewhere.) I found a bed & breakfast that we will most likely be staying in post-wedding because Flurf may die of sadness if we don't. (The real honeymoon will, I hope, be in Kyoto, but we want to get away for a few days post-wedding, too.) I found out about the Vitamin String Quartet, which would probably please me more if I listened to more music that isn't ten years old, but I can still crack up at a strings-only version of "You Shook Me All Night Long."
Now I must clean. And hang up some things on the wall. Because my mother is coming for a visit and my time is no longer my own.
* Depressed Googling is like my new hobby. My search history tells the tale: "WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I FIND BRIDAL PANTS" (from a brief, ill-fated attempt at finding an alternative to dresses) "wedding sexism" "feminist wedding" "weddings are evil, sexist bullshit" "elopement" "I hate my wedding" "angry brides." (If only I could find an angry anime character in a wedding gown...)
There are two broad wedding schools - kingdoms or phylums, maybe. One will give you elaborate checklists of everything you should be worrying about, takes it for granted that you're inviting over a hundred people, hiring a DJ or live music, etc. On the Knot website I saw a description of a wedding that only cost $20k. Seriously. To be fair, I couldn't stomach clicking on the link; it's possible that the "only" was relative, like they invited many hundreds of people and did a really elaborate thing that cost twice that. But really, the only context in the world in which "only $20k" applies is if you're talking about, I don't know, salaries, or funding government programs.
The other is "frugal." They accept you may not have a huge guest list. They propose some ideas that are good though not terribly original, like hosting the wedding and reception at someone's house, or using your iPod or computer for the music. However, they still expect you to invest quite a bit in your wedding; it's just that they propose using your time instead of your cash. Buy your flowers wholesale and arrange them yourself! Have someone (maybe a relative, so that you can underpay them to a criminal degree) sew your dress for you! Enlist your family, or your partner's, in cooking for the wedding, crafting decorations, or making the wedding favors!
( HATE. )
I don't want to put a lot of effort into this, or force people into slave labor on my behalf. Nor do I want to pay a lot; even at the small scale we're doing this, we'll likely be spending at LEAST a couple of thousand dollars, which is money I would far rather put towards buying the bed I've been coveting for two years, or a trip, or several hundred books.
Anyway, I started out talking about the Indie Bride forums. I've learned that the wedding-industrial complex phrasing has been around for a while (I thought I was just playing off the military-industrial complex; maybe I picked it up by osmosis from elsewhere.) I found a bed & breakfast that we will most likely be staying in post-wedding because Flurf may die of sadness if we don't. (The real honeymoon will, I hope, be in Kyoto, but we want to get away for a few days post-wedding, too.) I found out about the Vitamin String Quartet, which would probably please me more if I listened to more music that isn't ten years old, but I can still crack up at a strings-only version of "You Shook Me All Night Long."
Now I must clean. And hang up some things on the wall. Because my mother is coming for a visit and my time is no longer my own.
* Depressed Googling is like my new hobby. My search history tells the tale: "WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I FIND BRIDAL PANTS" (from a brief, ill-fated attempt at finding an alternative to dresses) "wedding sexism" "feminist wedding" "weddings are evil, sexist bullshit" "elopement" "I hate my wedding" "angry brides." (If only I could find an angry anime character in a wedding gown...)